New “Celebrity” Crush?

by Admin

Every blog needs a “crush.”

Extra Mustard has a new one almost every week, so I think it’s about time I’ve decided on one, at least for now, even if she’s not much of a “celebrity” per se.

Readers, meet Erin.

Now I’ve had many celebrity crushes in my life, in no order; Emmanuelle Chriqui, Lindsay Lohan, Hayden Pannettiere, Kristen Bell, Tina Fey, Isla Fischer, and many more that I just can’t think of now.

Anyways the point is, Erin trumps them all. Mainly because I’ve never seen any of the others in real life, but also because she has the total package, every shallow chauvinistic thing I look for in a girl.

For one thing she’s a redhead. My whole life, well, since I saw the Parent Trap and fell in lust with Lindsay Lohan, and then later on Isla Fischer. I don’t really know where it came from, but I used to joke with my friend that I had inherited the blood of Jim Morrison, somehow, because of our similar names (James-Jamie.) Jim Morrison preferred redheads, and even his wife was one. But obviously I didn’t actually inherit his blood, the redhead thing kinda came out of nowhere. Most guys prefer blonds but not me.

Keep in mind by the way that this is a completely shallow, chauvinistic article. In real life I actually do prefer a woman’s personality to her looks (guys, make fun of me as much as you want, girls, message me if you’re down,) but the purpose of this article is just to express my lust towards this cheerleader.

That reminds me, I never said where I “met” her. I went to the Alouettes game with my friend today and we sat in the third row, less than 50 feet from some of the Argonauts cheerleaders, (as well as washed-up former NFLer Mike Vanderjagt, who got a couple good heckles form me.) Early in the game my friend goes “whoa, check out ginger,” and I had no idea what he was talking about, so I started scanning the cheerleaders till, boom. I saw Erin.

I feel extremely immature/stupid to write this blog, especially since it’s already been almost 400 words of useless drivel, but oh well, back to lusting after this Erin…

Aside from her redheadness, Erin possesses everything I look for (physically,) in a girl; nice body, nice sex appeal (her dance moves…wow…lol,) and the simple fact that she’s also ca cheerleader, another attraction that started when i started becoming obsessed with Heroes and Hayden Panettiere.

She’s been a cheerleader for the Argos for 3 years apparently, and is a vegan. Good for her. Her bio on the Argos site (yes I did the research,) asked what her perfect day would be like, and I’m posting it here just because it’s hilariously stereotypical cheerleader/jappy of her.

“My ‘perfect’ day would consist of… Start off with a big tray of assorted fruit, then I would get picked up in a Viper that would take me to a mall for a big shopping spree with all my friends. Then I would go to a charity that supports underprivileged children to have a chance to participate in sports and donate and help organize the sports games. I would finish the day with my family for dinner and a movie.”

Kayyyyyy Erin. You may be extremely hot but you don’t seem to unique. Don’t worry, I, and now The Blender, still lust you. (I have this thing with the word love…)

I think almost 600 words is enough for an unknown CFL cheerleader, so I think I’m off to bed.

Stay classy.

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