I Am A 14-Year-Old Boy

by Admin

It’s been too long since I wrote my last post. Lately my posts haven’t been that frequent, but I’m not going to go ahead and make that promise of daily or bi-daily posts. I’ll write what I want, when I want (now I sound like a 14-year-old girl.)

Anyways, after noticing this blog has not been updated in a while, I figured I should do something about it. I stared blankly at WordPress thinking of a title, or a subject for my post. Then I gave up and started Stumbling (a post about that will come soon.) I ended up on a webpage of tips for writer’s block and the first thing listed was “write what you know.”

Now I don’t want to brag but I actually know a lot, even if most of the stuff I know is completely useless (did you know despite being 10x our population, the U.S. doesn’t even have double the amount of 1,000,000+ population cities? They have nine, we have five.) So I went to Facebook (got distracted for a bit), and started looking at my Top 5s from that annoying application everyone uses (LivingSocial). One that jumped out as me is my top 5 celerity crushes. Yes, like a typical early-teenage boy, I still have celebrity crushes. Is that even a big deal? Anyways, it gives me an excuse to post some pictures.

Here they are:

1) Abby Elliot

abby-elliott-snl First off if you guys didn’t know, I have a bit of a redhead fetish. Actually, fetish is way too strong a word. Most guys prefer blondes, I’m more of a redhead guy. It started with Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap (seriously,) and just continued from there. So, being a big SNL fan, I was pretty happy when one of the two cast members replacing the departed Amy Poehler was a redhead. An attractive redhead at that. The daughter of former cast member Chris Elliott, Abby hasn’t been in much so far, but in most of what she’s been in so far, she’s been pretty funny. Not to mention pretty attractive. Its weird to find a woman giving birth attractive, but in the MacGruber flashback sketch that reveals that MacGuyver is his father (you’d understand if you watched SNL,) she is pretty damn fine. Hopefully SNL will have the sense to start putting her in more skits. She’s been hilarious as a baby-hungry Angelina Jolie, and if you read my old Hulu post, you can watch her best skit by clicking here.

2) Hayden Panettiere

hayden2811 There are so many more attractive pictures of Hayden, but you can check Google Images for those. With the playoffs in full swing, I had to put this picture. Anyways, some of you might remember Hayden from Remember The Titans, as the little girl who loved football, but that’s not where this crush started. It started subconsciously with those ads she used to do (some sort of beauty cream or something?) and then Heroes. Friends pressured me to get into the show, and once I did I was like “wow, I remember this girl.” Anyways it kind of just grew from there, with her hotness peaking early Season 2, and declining awkwardly since then. Some people don’t find here attractive at all, just because she’s not super-skinny like most actresses, but I don’t care. Also, the fact that she’s just a few weeks older than me makes the likelihood of me hooking up with her much higher than other celebrities, despite it still being relatively impossible.

3) Kristen Bell

kristen-bell10220601 Thanks to Heroes, I found out she was extremely good-looking with limitless sex-appeal. Her character (Elle Bishop) had the power to electrify things, and her being cooped up in a research facility as a kid (in the show) turned her sex appeal extremely high. That sentence sucked but I can’t figure out the right way to put that, sorry. Of course, being Judd Apatow-obsessed, I learned of her casting in Forgetting Sarah Marshall in advance. I didn’t know if she could pull it off, but her titular role in the film was hilarious. I never got into Veronica Mars, and I’m thankful for that. She also starred in the movie Fanboys, with dyed black hair. In the trailer she looked exactly the kind of girl that geeks would be in love with, both looks and personality wise. I should definitely get on seeing that film soon. It’s too bad I’m extremely lazy. I’m also a complete n00b when it comes to HTML, so I am writing uselessly at this moment just so the text fills up enough space so I can have the next girl on a completely new line.

Actually, I’m growing a bit tired of writing these long paragraphs on each girl. And because I’m such a novice when it comes to HTML, I can’t write shorter descriptions. So here’s some shorter descriptions to links of the picture (no order for these.)

Rashida Jones – She was in Freaks and Geeks, which I didn’t even know until recently, but I’m pretty sure her breakout role was Karen Fillipelli in The Office, Jim’s girlfriend from the Stamford branch. She had her first big role (once again, to my knowledge) as the lead female in I Love You Man, and is currently starring in the show Parks and Recreation.

Linsay Lohan – Before you start internet-yelling at me, let it be known I’m talking about old-school, pre-coke Lindsay Lohan. It started off when I was a young one and I say Parent Trap, and I think she might’ve even been my first crush. Then with roles in a couple dumb movies, she got really hot. That’s where the redhead preference started. Then she started doing coke, and its now done. Come to think of it, she was pretty hot in the eHarmony video on Funny or Die.

“Erin” – this one’s not even a celebrity. Last fall I went to an Alouettes-Argonauts game with my friend, and was two rows from the field right where the Argos cheerleaders performed. To be honest I actually spent more time watching them than the game. I wrote about it back on The Blender so just click the link to go see the pics I took there.

Honourable Mention: Linda Cardellini, Anna Faris, Emanuelle Chriqui, Anne Hathaway.

I swear I’m not a misogynistic asshole, but this was all I could really think about writing. Well at least the guys will like it. Stay tuned for (slightly) more serious posts.